Twenty-One Years

Before proceeding with this article, I’d like to give praises and thanks to my one and only Lord, the Almighty God and His Son, Jesus for letting me live this long with a wonderful family and bunch of amazing people. He gave me so much and He simply showed every second of my life how He works His love for me. My Lord, You’re really unbelievable! I LOVE YOU!

I spent my 21^st birthday with a bash. The celebration seemed three-days long. First day is at my workplace. Like a custom that I thought not to break or join in at least, I simply bought snacks for my co-employees in the afternoon. It is unbelievably amazing that they really appreciated this simple treat.

Second day is at home. Early that day, my lola and some of my cousins came. Lola, my tita and mama cooked some dishes as part of my birthday celebration. My cousins and I stayed at my room and played games on my computer. How I wish they can visit me often and have such good times with them. We stayed there until my friends came. Like I expected, they are late! But the fact they came really added the icing on the cake. Though we didn’t have a single photo of every one of us, they really made my birthday special. I just appreciate their effort to come. THANK YOU GUYS!

And the extension of my birthday is the day after that, that’s Sunday. My relatives at my father’s side came. They are all present. Well, almost. But I’m really happy that they came for my birthday. My cousins and I watched a movie in my room. It’s actually my first time to watch a movie with them and it felt really nice. Around 3:00pm, even though I wish not to leave them, I have to go to my uncle’s house and meet my cousins. It’s my other cousin’s birthday then. After some chatting with my uncle, we went to SM to hang out a little. I decided to leave them earlier and try to catch up the last mass with mama and dey but unfortunately, dey is not feeling well so I just uttered a silent prayer at the chapel and we went home. That was really a great day for me.

The last time I celebrated my birthday this much is out of my memory but my birthday this year is undeniably unforgettable.

Few may know that I don’t do New Year’s resolutions because I do or plot my resolutions at my birthdays. I simply believe that it’s nicer (my opinion, of course) to do resolutions on the day we are born because it explicitly signals a new year of our lives. But this year, I didn’t have a definite resolution maybe because I’ve been aiming for a single goal lately. This is to become a better person in as many ways as I can. If you would ask me to define this, it’ll really hard for me to put it in words but to make it simple; I just want to be somebody now. A person who stands for himself and everyone he cares for and hopefully a person of value. Sorry but my reasons can’t be revealed but in many ways, this goal should push me further and be the man that I really want to be: a man of balance. Anyways, come to think of it, I’m already 21. I’m also hoping that this article will keep me moving towards this goal.

This is my best birthday yet… really. Thank you all for being part of it… so happy…

Some-Or-Nothing

Heaven knows that I never got tired of this matter. Through the years that this matter lingered on me, that little spark of hope never run out… not once and the worst thing is that THIS HOPE ON ME MAKES ME REALLY HAPPY. Millions of denials have merged from my mouth and thoughts but never really satisfied this grudge. Adding the reality (IT’S IMPOSSIBLE… IMPOSSIBLE… IMPOSSIBLE!!!) that slaps me back and forth everyday; all of these melt me down to almost hell.

Some came and brought me out of this old patched path of mine but every time they go, I always end up returning to that direction which really makes me feel guilty for them. I guess things for me don’t end up well for I haven’t let go of this. As they say, “You must let go of some things to earn new things”. My loved ones even said their views that sometimes encourage me but most of the time discourages. Nonetheless, my fate doesn’t allow me to move for I still have problems to solve (sadly all by myself) in this chapter of my book (LIFE)… which really frustrates me.

When the time to face this comes, I know that it’s not an All-Or-Nothing bet… it’s a Some-Or-Nothing one. I hope strength pours on me. I must face this… really… even if it’s already a lost.

No way back… no way out… so lost…

Ignorance

I am weak… terribly weak. My tears always start to fall in every pain that I may feel. At the end of the day, I end up mumbling in my room thinking of everything all over again until my sleep fairy comes and takes me away. In the morning, when I wake up, I always feel a lot better but the pain that brought me to sleep can never be forgotten. There are many reasons why I feel such. Perhaps it’s my sensitivity that triggers it and my tendency that I should be and would be somehow involved in these matters.

But I realized that most of man’s problems are made up. Intentionally or not, they are somehow caused by us, bringing miseries. If FATE gave us our tests and we had hard time solving them, causing us such sorrow, there is always a fault on our side.

And now, I got a good idea to get over this. IGNORANCE.

I’ll start ignoring useless things and start focusing on things that matter. I’ll teach myself to laugh on things and let them be. Nonetheless, EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT.

Ignorance somehow really helps if it is used accordingly… so easy…

Caring Again

For several days, I’ve been trying to figure out if what I’m doing is enough. Is it enough to say that I’m in the right direction? Is it even enough to say that I am a good person? After the brain-squeezing computations and thinking, I only ended up concluding that such thing can never be measured.

I have nothing to worry at all.

I guess I just have to start caring AGAIN… caring for those that matters and start knocking my head off immaterial things.

Starting to care again… so alive…

Unknown String of Life

I never understood and realized how fast life really is until all these happened and justified to me that life is indeed short and always unknown. It’s darkness but made me see other things. I really like to share this one.

Last year, 2007, one of my cousins is diagnosed to have some kind of a tumor in his intestines. It’s February then. He had he’s operation and they got the tumor out of him but the doctors saw worse things: the tumor is cancerous and it’s about to spread in his body. After several months, around April, he died at the age of less than sixteen. How young.

When the year is about to end, around November, we were told that her mother is pregnant again. She’s bearing her fifth child. Because of some reasons, we were told not to tell the rest of the family about it. No one in her husband’s family knew it. Only the first-born grandchildren knew the news and we kept it a secret until by March of this year just when my uncle is starting to gather things for his new baby. It’s only then we told the rest about the new member of the family.

But life is really unknown. Just before giving birth, my aunt was diagnosed to have an infection in her ovary that turned out to be cancer also. She gave birth to a healthy baby girl whom she personally named Nicole even in the midst of pain. She even argued with the people around her that tried to suggest a name for the baby. After giving birth, we took care of the baby for my uncle has too much to handle. She seemed to be stable until one Saturday morning, July 19, she died. I don’t know her exact age. Maybe she’s around late 30’s and early 40’s.

I just can’t imagine the pain my uncle is bearing this time. He lost two important parts of him in two consecutive years.

Life is indeed very short and yet very fast. We’ll never know when everything would end. Saying this makes sense but seeing it personally in the lives of others is another case. You can almost feel the pain of the people that made living with them. A certain kind of scare can also be felt. How are we supposed to live our lives if we don’t even know when it’ll end? Are you ready to leave if you know that you still have many things to do? I guess we just have to live with the mystery of life and death after all.

Live to the fullest to regret not… so swift…

The Brilliance of Life

As a child, everything seems to be so easy. All you do is eat, sleep, play and go to school. All of your mistakes are understood and you are always given a chance to do it again (although not all children are given a chance to do all of these… so sad…). Careless… that’s what a child may be and I guess that’s the reason why they are called as the happiest people in the world. The sad truth is we cannot return to being a child unless you start acting like one again as you get old.

After a sweet childhood, innocence starts to fade and it is replaced by awareness and different kinds of thoughts. They start to take charge of their own life and will try to think on the things they want. Millions of thoughts and metamorphisms will happen. As they learn to decide, they will also see different faces of the world. Starting to realize that the world is not only a place of fun, they will also start to struggle and will be forced to face things they haven’t faced before. In the end, this may be how we are all molded into what we really are, as well as the world that we believe.

Along the way and after all of these, everyone might wear out… get dirty and exhausted. The harsh world that YOU HAVE BELIEVED IN will be pouring storms at you. Reality will then be knocking on the door of your consciousness. Fun is over… OR IS IT?

God gave so much to us. He almost provided everything that we may not ask for more but all of these things that He laid for us are hidden everywhere. All of the glories He left the world are hidden everywhere… from the tiniest drops of dew in the morning to the deepest corners of our hearts and souls. These glories are to be found… to be appreciated and used accordingly. Try not to look far and see something more meaningful. If people will see and live by all these graces and refrain from looking anywhere else, they can have peace in their selves as they travel through the storms that the world throws upon them. You might not find any place to hide from the storm but with great outlook on your journey, you will not be afraid to face all of these but instead, you’ll even have fun as you walk through the valleys of dirt and winds.

Life can be looked this way. The storms will shape you up until you reach your destination must be savored and enjoyed how hard it may be because like a diamond, you will have to go through different cuts and blunts before you shine exquisitely.

[to the one who requested this post: I hope you like it... ;p ]

Everyone’s life is a diamond… so brilliant…

Just For Once

For once, can’t I be selfish? So ripped…

Going Far And Not High

Why do people have to learn things? Isn’t it enough to breath, sleep and eat? Why do we have to go under severe education and still have hard time going after a piece of paper or metal craps that can be exchanged for food and everything we may need? Can we blame all of the difficulties in our life to the sin Adam and Eve committed?

 

Everything already happened and all we can do now is live according to what this world brings us but this doesn’t mean that we have all the rights to be barbaric. Blaming is also not an option. It can’t do a thing for you anyway at this point of time. It’s so hard to live these days. Breathing and sleeping may be the only needs that we have for free while eating secures a lot of issue. Life has been too worldly.

 

After finishing severe education (you’re very fortunate if you really did), the real life will start. Aside from that piece of paper or metal craps, you may also start hunting for abstract things that can really invigorate: superiority, fame, power and many more! These things will definitely satisfy not your stomach but the other part of you that you may call PRIDE that encompasses the thing so-called CAREER.

 

Career is a part of a person that must be filled up for it may bring indefinite happiness. It can be defined as what and where you might have reached and going to reach. It’s a never-ending journey that everyone has. So where have you gone to? While taking the paths of your career (which only you can choose), the potential places to go are endless.

 

But the best places to go are the very FAR places and not the HIGHEST ones. Think about this analogy:

 

When you go the HIGHEST places, you tend to climb… a very hard and steep climb. The journey will always be TIRING AND WOULD DEFINITELY WEAR YOU OUT. You CAN’T EVEN HAVE A CHANCE TO REST for it may make you fall down. The VIEWS WON’T ALSO BE THAT APPRECIATED because you are concentrated at your climb. As you go higher, the more you’re AFRAID TO LOOK DOWN for this can make you dizzy and throw you off your balance. Because you’re afraid to look down, you might not be aware of the things you’re stepping on. Unknowingly, you may have STEPPED ON OTHER PEOPLE. The worst part is this: AFTER THAT EXHAUSTING CLIMB, YOU’LL FIND YOURSELF ALONE AT THE SUMMIT AND YOU’LL HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO GO DOWN AGAIN.

 

But if you’ll go to the FARTHEST place, here’s what you may get into. As you go, the journey can be not too tiring for you can STOP ANYTIME AND TAKE A BREATHER. You won’t also be afraid of taking anyone along for YOU MAY NOT BE OBLIGED TO PULL THEM WITH YOU. If the road is hard to trek or if it’s confusing, YOU CAN ALWAYS FIND SOMEONE TO HELP AND GUIDE YOU WITH YOUR WAY. You won’t also be stepping on other people for you are STEPPING ON THE SAME GROUND AS THEY DO. It will also be a great thing to LOOK BACK TO PATHS THAT YOU HAVE PASSED THROUGH, SEE THEM WAVING TO YOU and say ‘THANK YOU’ TO THOSE WHO HELPED YOU IN YOUR PATHS. The best part is: YOU WON’T BE ALONE AT THE END FOR YOU’LL ALWAYS HAVE EVERYONE WITH YOU.

 

Wherever you may go, whether high or far, it’s important to be aware that you are not alone. The people around you are the best part to enjoy and not the places and things that you have achieved for these can’t be with you in heavens.

 

So where are you going? Can I come with you?

 

We can’t live for and in ourselves alone… so confusing…

Endings Are Never Written

Does fate or destiny exists? The thing that is so-called inevitable, written and cannot be overwritten? If it does, why don’t we try to seat back on a couch for a year and let “fate” do its job? That’s so easy, right? Do you think you won’t starve for a year and that your “fate” will feed you up? You can try if you want and then tell me the results.

 

Fate or destiny really exists. The things about “fate” are also true: inevitable, written and cannot be overwritten. It’s true… it’s already written… but THE ENDING IS YET FOR YOU TO WRITE.

 

Life is not about fate alone. It’s about on how you’ll react with it, how you’ll handle it and how you’ll get over it. If life is a book, fate is the exercise inside the book! The book may contain lessons and at the end of each lesson, you must answer those exercises until you finish the whole book. Fate is only a big box of problems that you are to solve. That’s why we have to remember the lessons in our books of life.

 

But sometimes life is quiet unfair because we have to take some exercises before we take the lessons and know the reasons for it. They say that everything comes with an appropriate reason but reason sometimes comes from the rear and sometimes late (can someone buy her a watch?).

 

This only justifies that everything in life is made to be exciting. Reasons may come or not. Tests and tasks may be easy or freaking difficult. Situations may make you feel sadness to hell or so happy that you can fly to heavens. What ever your fate is, try to make your ending a happy one.

 

Life can never be provided with a single analogy… so complex…

True Faith – Kung OK Lang Sayo

True Faith – Kung OK lang Sayo

INTRO

‘Di malaman kung ano ang gagawin
Sa damdamin na ‘di ko maamin
Sa sarili
Kung bakit ka pa ba nandiyan

Sabi-sabi ng mga kaibigan ko
Huwag mong pilitin ang hindi para sa ‘yo
Ngunit bakit hindi kita malimutan
Sa ‘yo ba’y OK lang

CHORUS
Habang tumatagal, lumalala, laging nagwawala
Tumitindi, umiinit, sumasakit ang dibdib
Kaya ako’y gumawa ng awiting ito na alay ko sa ‘yo
At sana’y pakinggan mo

Huwag ka sanang magugulat sa akin
‘Di ako sanay sa ganitong suliranin
Huwag kang matakot hindi ako manloloko
Kung OK lang sa ‘yo

[Repeat CHORUS]

Ngayong alam mo na, sana’y ‘di ka mainis
At pasensya na kung ako ay makulit
Pero kung gusto mo, ako na lang ang lalayo
Kung OK lang sa ‘yo

[Repeat CHORUS twice]

Kung OK lang sa ‘yo

 

Hits me bullseye… so guilty…